The above is a rudimentary dissection of a Peep.

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A Peep is a highly unusual creature.  Notice its distinctive features:

* It has two eyes to see with.
* It has a tail to wag.
* It has a beak to speak with.
* It has a mouth to eat things with.
* Yet it's got nothing else!  Don't feed them too much, if you decide to feed them anything at all!!

Peeps grow to a size of  2.5" long, 1" wide, and 2" tall.

The inside of the Peep is far more interesting:  It contains a gooey substance not dissimilar to marshmallows.  According to scientists at the top-secret Peepa-Nova Research Centre in Edinburgh, Scotland, who had done a sub-atomic analysis, Peeps are composed of the following:  Sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, and smaller quantities of the following:  potassium sorbate (the Peep equivalent to deodorant), coloring agents, and carnauba wax.  Yes, wax.  Whether this is food substance or a lab experiment is up for unending debate.   Especially once you consider the ingredients for gelatin...

Peeps are not known to be a source of Vitamins A and C, calcium, and iron.  However, they are a significant source of sugars (6 grams each), carbohydrates (40 grams each), and calories (32 each).  This makes sense as the Peep's staple diet consists solely of dust mites and wheat germ.

The Peep race has several subdivisions.  I will present these in standard genus/species format.  All Peeps are classified under the genus Peepsadie.

  • Peepsadie Blueneon
  • Peepsadie Pinko
  • Peepsadie Bananatus
  • Peepsadie Lavenderus
  • Peepsadie Caucapeepoids
    (Newly discovered!!)
  • Peepsadie Bunnybanger
    (Newly discovered!!)
  • Peepsadie Bloodlust
    (Newly discovered!!)
  • Peepsadie Greengo
    (Theoretical!!)
  • Peepsadie Orangeasm
    (Newly discovered!!)

 

PEEPSADIE BLUENEON

Peepsadie Blueneon is a cyan blue color, and is a timid, yet friendly creature.  It has been rumored that they are genetic experiments created by the Smurfs to trick Gargamel, but this rumor had been dispelled when it came to light that the Smurf village, along with the forest they lived in, had been bulldozed to make way for a strip mall next to an interstate highway.  The origins of the P. Blueneon remain a considerable mystery.

PEEPSADIE PINKO

Peepsadie Pinko is a bright pink and never afraid to speak its subversive thoughts.  The FBI, in 1965, originally suspected Dr. Benjamin Spock of creating them as means to confuse and take over the government, but it turned out that Dr. Spock was more interested in telling people how to raise children and was also, in fact, not related to the fictional character Mr. Spock in any way, shape, or form.

PEEPSADIE BANANATUS

Peepsadie Bananatus is a disturbing yellow in color and has a penchant for starting fistfights.  It has been claimed that the P. Bananatus frequents strip clubs and those adult XXX bookstores next to roadside rest stops where rock bands sing tribute songs to politicians caught soliciting for XXX there...  However, the claim was proven to be false.  These Peeps were just trying to get away from the big cities.  Unfortunately, given their brutal nature, riots erupted and many Peeps had fallen victim to the riot team's flamethrowers and "Strawberry Shortcake E-Z-Bake Oven" kits.  The P. Bananatus is a rare breed these days.

PEEPSADIE LAVENDERUS

Peepsadie Lavenderus is a distinctive purple.  This genus came about after millennia of the Blueneons and Pinkos realized each other to the fullest extent of their disgusting Peepdom.  The P. Lavenderus are as congenial as the Blueneons and as socially aware as the Pinkos, but are highly intelligent and are compassionate for all Peeps.

PEEPSADIE CAUCAPEEPOIDIS

Peepsadie Caucapeepoidis is a recently discovered peep.  P. Caucapeepoidis is a pure, almost albino white in color, and difficult to get accurate photographs of.  Genetically engineered, they were discovered to be a slave labor class for the Bananatus Peeps during a search instigated by the FBIP (Funky Bureau Investigating Peepdom)

OTHER PEEPS OF INTEREST:

Peepsadie Bunnybanger is a pet for our beloved Peeps.  Very difficult to spot and capture because they prefer frolicking in dark, damp areas.  One has to wonder what they're so leery of, but nobody will ever claim that this species is rare.  There are many offshoots to the Bunnybanger, no doubt because of the amount of Bunnybanging they have done.

Peepsadie Bloodlust is a newly discovered Peep.  Nobody knows where it originated, though its disturbing blood red color clearly denotes this Peep's desire to be as anti-social as possible.  They frequent Goth vampire parties where they re-sample their DNA in an attempt to improve their own dark, foreboding red color, as a reminder to us all that they are not as cute or as cuddly as their brethren.  If you thought the Bananatus was bad, watch out for these!

Peepsadie Greengo also is a newly discovered Peep. Long theorized, these glowing, snot colored creatures tend to show up once a year and even the most clever of photojournalists are just unable to capture one on celluloid. It is said Greengos are actually a cult, worshipping Julius Ceasar. They tend to come out around March 15th. They really don't do much, but are said to enjoy bathing in a tall glass of beer!

Peepsadie Orangeasm also is yet another a newly discovered Peep. Long theorized, these oddballs swallowed a gallon of imitation sun tan lotion, became addicts, and turned bright orange.  Often found in the pharmacy aisle containing imitation sun tan lotion, they are prone to  making balloon animals out of prophylactics, because they have no other use for them.

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